A saint was asked – “What is anger?” He gave a beautiful and remarkable answer, “it is a punishment we give to ourself for somebody else’s mistake.”

Love is a beautiful thing. Relationships and connections brings out an amazing beauty in life – when they work out, they bring a charming glow to our lives. Whether you are a guy or a lady, relationships have an amazing radiance it brings to our lives. We are made for relationship. We are made to connect. The Almighty God made it clear that it is not good for us to be alone. We cannot exist in isolation. We cannot alienate people from our lives. We need friends, family, and the gift of a lover.

So, you meet someone, and you start something together, with great hopes and expectations, and boom – the unexpected happens, and that relationship becomes history. The relationship we had great hopes and dreams for couldn’t continue as we hoped. It could be that our visions, perspectives, desires, and principles just wasn’t aligning.

Yes, you invested so much into the relationship to make it work. You endured so much. Despite what everyone around you was saying against the relationship, you stayed to make it work. You made sacrifices and you made compromises more than once, because you had so much faith that it would work, but somehow it seemed like your partner just was not ready to make it work as much as you wanted.

A failed relationship doesn’t have to be the end of your world. In life, there are unpleasant and undesirable things that will happen regardless of your effort, carefulness and sacrifice.

Many times, our father allows these things to happen, and it may take us a long time before we get to understand why these things happen. So, it is true that separation of any kind hurts, especially relationship with someone you invested the whole of your being into. Anyway, there is always something better that lies ahead. Our glory days are never behind us.

When you replace “why is this happening to me” with “what is this teaching me?”, everything shifts.

So, the question is: “how do I successfully move on after a heartbreak or a failed relationship?” Maybe you have found someone, but you are just not trusting to open yourself to another relationship. Possibly you haven’t found someone yet, but you are scared of giving love another try.

So, let’s talk about how to handle these situations wisely.

Number One: RECOGNIZE THAT YOU ARE NOT A PROBLEM.

There is the possibility to feel you have a problem, particularly if you were with someone who was abusive or someone who cheated on you. There is the possibility to think that something is wrong with you or that you are not enough. This feeling is expected when you have been with someone who had no respect for you or the relationship.

“Never wish them pain, that’s not who you are. If they caused you pain, they must have pain inside. Wish them healing, that’s what they need.” – Najwa Zebian.

You must understand that a partner/lover who makes you feel you are a mistake and a mess does not mean well for you, separation from such a person is a good thing. So, do not allow how they treated you negatively affect how you see yourself. You are not the problem, they are. So, shake-off every negative feeling about yourself.

Your father did not call you a mess; anyone who calls you that is a liar and they want to make you feel and live less than you were created to be. You are the child of the Most High, and he calls you LIGHT. He also says you are the Apple of his eyes and He loves you so much. He also said He would never leave you and He will never forsake you. So, live with this consciousness – You are not the problem. You are a blessing to every relationship, but it will be difficult to explain that to a blind person or a person who does not appreciate quality. You are not a problem.

Always remember that how you love yourself is going to teach others to love you.

Number 2: UNDERSTAND THAT GOD WANTS YOU TO HAVE A GOOD AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.

You are the child of God; he is not just your Saviour and your Lord – He is your father. When you begin to live with the consciousness, it will change how you see yourself and how you carry yourself. Your father wants you to be happy. That your love relationships have not worked out as you desire doesn’t mean God doesn’t want you to be in one.

Some people will hurt you and act like you hurt them.

Please do not assume that it is your destiny that your relationships will never work out. Accept this truth, and God will guide you in his will for your life. You need to embrace a mental shift and begin to see things differently.

Do not allow what went wrong in your life make you develop or accept a damaged perspective and flawed philosophy. Your loving father wants you in a healthy and loving relationship, and he is going to guide you into a beautiful one.

Number 3: UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE STILL GOOD PEOPLE OUT THERE.

There are still good men and amazing women out there; there are still people who have got the looks and the character – there are still people with the fear of God and the right values; that you have not been lucky to meet the right person doesn’t mean there are no good people. Do not join those who say terrible things about the other gender. Do not join those who say, “All men are the same; all women are the same.” It is important you know and accept that human beings are different based on their priorities, focus and choices; all men are not trash; all women are not scum.

Never be a prisoner of your past. It was just a lesson, not a life sentence.

Get rid of all forms of toxic thinking and negativity; you just haven’t met the right person, and soon, when the right person shows up, you will see that it was worth the wait and it was worth the pain.

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Number 4: PICK AND USE THE RIGHT LESSONS OF YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIP TO BUILD A NEW.

Many times, the reason our new relationships don’t work out is because we carry the needless baggage of the failed relationship into the new one; our new partner is made to suffer the consequences of the sins of our old partner. After a while, when they can’t take it anymore, the only option will be to take a walk. When that happens, we are quick to add them to the list of terrible people we have met. In reality, we ruined the relationships.

If their absence brings you peace, you didn’t lose them.

Leave every horrible experience in the past, so you don’t ruin your new relationship, as a result of a toxic view on things.

One day, you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide. Your pain is not a waste.

Stop expecting every relationship to turn out the same way; people are different. Stop expecting your new partner to turn out the same way the old one did. Stop suspecting every move of your new partner. Learn to laugh over things, and please, stop being so fixated and consumed with the errors of your ex. Laugh and learn from what happened, and always be hopeful and joyful about new relationships.

Remember what God said in Isaiah 43:19? He said He is going to do a new thing for you, but there is a condition: YOU MUST LET GO OF THE FORMER THINGS. So, please, OBEY GOD.

Number 5: DON’T DISPLACE GOD BECAUSE OF LOVE.

Think about it, most times when you fall madly in love, you become more invested and focused on your partner than on your relationship with God. This is unhealthy. Many of us abandon God when we find a loving partner, and we only return to God when the relationship fails.

Not all storms come to disrupt your life; some come to clear your path.

When you displace God in your life, you can’t receive direction from him, and you can’t discern things rightly. There are things God would have wanted you to do better, and there are things He would have wanted you to notice in the relationship, your partner or certain things about you needed to work on, but because you allowed something else to take up His space in your life, you stopped receiving from Him.

Any partner that is threatened by your passion for God is not good for you. Any person that wants to take the place of God in your life is asking for too much.

Please learn from this: DON’T ALLOW YOUR PARTNER TAKE THE PLACE OF GOD IN YOUR LIFE – IT IS ONLY GOD THAT CAN TRULY COMPLETE YOU.

This understanding is also strategic for building healthy relationships, so that you don’t start expecting from your partner what only God can give you, and you don’t start placing unnecessary demands on them, and when they can’t meet up to those demands, you are quick to add them to the same category your exes.

Dear friend, this is my counsel on how to move on after failed relationships successfully and how to make the best of new relationships.

I hope you learnt a thing or two. Please, leave a comment after reading and let me know what you learnt from this.

Cheers!