God wants you to have an amazing marriage. God wants you to be another reference that marriage is a blessing, but he wants his wisdom to guide your choice of a partner.

When in love, many people completely forget that they are to honour God in ALL things, including their choice of partners and what they prioritise in life.

So, in this third section of our series on what to look for when choosing a life partner, I would want to focus on something fundamental. Many people have not looked at this in sufficient detail, so while they may have thought about it, they did not get the insight they needed to proceed in the appropriate way.

Let us go on to the third lesson, which further discusses what to look for in a godly and helpful life partner.

3 – Make sure they are spiritually aligned with you.

When you allow yourself to be moved and directed by how you ‘feel’ about someone and ignore God’s counsel, you will likely end in regrets.

Spiritual compatibility is a non-negotiable, especially for someone who wants to live in the will of God.

Some people got in love with unbelievers and people who don’t honour God like they do, but they didn’t consider it a red flag. Possibly, they felt they could change them with time. Gradually, the relationship leads to marriage, and that person has become torn in their flesh because the word of God is not what governs their lives.

Sometimes, because we are in love, we tend to want to make excuses for the person; we say things like “though they don’t go to church or are practising Christians, but they fear God.”

There is one basic way to become a believer: you must acknowledge and receive Jesus. You must accept him as Lord and Saviour and allow him to administer your life with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Until this is confirmed, we must stop making excuses for people just because we want to justify our being together with them. There is no middle ground – you are either saved or not.

God’s word tells us in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?”

Many people are unhappy and unfulfilled in their marriages because they are unequally yoked.

There are two key ways of being unequally yoked with someone.

The first is being unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

The second is being unequally yoked with a believer who does not believe as we do.

When the scripture describes being unequally yoked, it’s talking about mindset, a frame of reference, a way of seeing, believing and thinking.

And so, to be equally yoked with someone is to be with someone who thinks the same, has the same spiritual standards, and loves the Lord like you love the Lord. It’s evident from scripture that believers should not marry unbelievers.

I know that there are uniquecircumstances. Sometimes, you are married, and then you get saved; your spouse doesn’t. This is an entirely different scenario because the couple is already married, and they both got together when they were BOTH unsaved.

But, in the context of this article, we are talking to the one who is pursuing a relationship or marriage with an unbeliever. The Bible clearly teaches that that’s not something you ought to do.

I understand it is convenient to say, “I heard the testimony of someone who pursued an individual who wasn’t saved, and that person ended up getting saved.” We must be careful not to mistake God’s mercy for God’s permission.

The word of God, not someone else’s story, should be our standard. The Bible clarifies that we should not pursue relationships this way with an unbeliever.

Biblically speaking, should you be in a relationship with someone who isn’t saved? A romantic relationship or someone as a potential spouse? Absolutely not. This is God’s standard.

So, having clearly stated the above, let’s address the second point here: should you marry a believer who differs from you on certain biblical doctrines? This depends on how primary and fundamental those doctrines are.

If there are some differences in fundamental issues, you should rethink your direction. For example, if you believe in divine healing by the power of the Holy Spirit but your partner believes in engaging ungodly channels to get ‘solutions’, you must be careful.

Also, let’s say you believe in prayer, but your partner does not, though you are both Christians. They believe that praying/prayer is not necessary, and this is different from what has brought you thus far. Their stand on prayer has the potential to determine the direction and strength of your relationship together. Please don’t ignore this, and don’t take it lightly.

There are some doctrines that affect the way you would live together; don’t ignore these. If you cannot agree on these things, it will cause problems later on down the line.

Yes, you may not agree on everything in the scriptures, and you can debate on them, but there are some non-negotiables – there must be alignment in your perspective and beliefs on sensitive issues.

In God’s family, it’s like one big river, and there are many streams in this river. Marry someone in your stream. Marry someone who is equally yoked with you, lest you run into some major problems later on down the line. Let’s recap.